For five years, while locked into a misogynistic doomsday cult in Ontario, Kenzie Cates had suppressed her desires to make music – until a friend managed to help her escape last autumn. “It felt like a clamp on my brain had been released,” she tells NME over Zoom, her hair cascading over a set of cushions behind her as she speaks. Prior to this intervention, Cates had been following a behaviour modification programme from a former grief counsellor – who she had met at a workshop in 2017 – which involved regular, six month-long visits to a farm-based training facility.
Now 29, the Kamloops-born artist is reclaiming her twenties, and is finding emotional healing in art with her breakthrough single ‘I Don’t Need U’, which was released in May. With hypnotic vocals and ethereal, catchy melodies, her music wouldn’t feel out of place nestled alongside modern dark-pop pioneer Billie Eilish. Although she is now far removed from the past, Cates unpacks her previous reality on the track: “I was fighting myself and losing / I was using you as the truth and now I’m reaching my own conclusions,” she sings.
Directed by Shiraz Higgins, a favourite of Canadian rapper bbno$, the music video for ‘I Don’t Need U’ depicts Kenzie as a cult leader. Her ‘disciples’ – the groups of men surrounding her in the video – jump around in orange overalls, dancing and kissing as she watches over them while clutching a small sheep (the leader of her cult was a farmer). The ending shows Cates sitting on a chair formed from the cult followers, her feet resting on two of their heads.
Having overcome periods of significant emotional hardship, Cates is now fearless and free in her approach as an artist. After she independently released her first single ‘Just Ain’t You’ in 2020, Kenzie was awarded a $90,000 grant by FACTOR (the Foundation Assisting Canadian Talent on Recordings) in order to support her burgeoning career in music.
“There’s a direct correlation between how overwhelmed I am and how much music I’m writing,” Cates says, explaining how it can take her a while to push past the exhaustion of dealing with trauma when trying to work. Recently, she has also been speaking with a cult exit counsellor, and is considering training as one herself.
Electric and quirky with a contagious warmth, Cates is breaking free of her traumatic past and moving towards a brighter future.
NME: The process of making a single with direct references to your past must have been extremely difficult. How did you manage it?
“For about eight months after leaving the cult, I felt totally numb. After that, my emotions would come in waves, and on some days, I felt overwhelmed with tears. Initially, the songs felt heavy and difficult but then I started using my work as a way of pushing through my trauma – but in a more triumphant way. I really wanted to regain a sense of possibility and liberation, and that’s when ‘I Dont Need U’ was born. Once things pushed forward with my grant, and releasing a single became a possibility, I called my team, explaining that I had no clue how my emotions would play out during the process.
“I was nervous on the day of filming the music video that people I hadn’t met before would have loads of questions or would even make fun of me, but nothing like that happened. On the recording days, the dynamic of embodying a cult leader felt so powerful and fundamentally different from the position I had been in. It was not triggering at all because this time I felt in control. For the video, I was literally sitting on a human throne of men, I felt like a boss. It was the exact opposite to everything I had felt for the past five years.”
Are you aware if anyone from the cult has listened to your single?
“People knew I made music, but I didn’t really start releasing until the pandemic. When I began posting about the new single, there was a time when a lot of my videos on TikTok were getting recorded for bullying. Anything to do with the cult was flagged, taken down or shadow banned. I definitely knew the video would most likely upset a few people.”
How has your life changed since leaving the cult?
“By going for it with pop music, I felt I was reclaiming my voice and it’s helped me process what happened. I’ve found trusting people, even longtime friends, really difficult, which is a trauma response. I’ve had some really important friendships fall apart too because of the cult. I spend time with my boyfriend, family and dog now.
“I’m obsessed with labour rights, unions and working class politics too. I studied neurobiology in college so I’ve actually really enjoyed going back to my roots. I was also keen on writing and journalism, so I’m starting to get back into it by working on a podcast with a friend in LA and doing radio. Getting stuck into video games doesn’t go amiss either!”
What’s your creative process like as an artist?
“I’m pretty all or nothing. When I’m in Nashville or LA for work, I’ll write every day. I use my emotions as a tool and my writing as a way of processing [trauma]. When things are good and stable I actually write less.
“Pop music can sometimes make topics easier to discuss by the way they’re written. Cults are so stigmatised and this discourse can be fuelled with victim blaming. Being able to mould such a hard experience into more manageable buzzwords with an upbeat track behind it is really liberating. I was clear on the direction I was heading in with this single, so I really threw myself in.”
You speak about drawing inspiration from your personal life. What else influences you outside of that?
“I definitely gravitate towards other female artists for inspiration. My friend Michaela Slinger just released an album and I’m obsessed with it. I also love listening to SZA, Lennon Stella and Julia Michaels. I also gravitate to mainstream pop, like Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande. I’m a very autobiographical writer. Taylor Swift put it really well in an interview, she said, ‘Sometimes songs just come to you and then sometimes they don’t, and that’s when you use your skills as a songwriter.'”
What’s next for you?
“I’m working towards the release of an EP in December, my collaboration with DJ Deepend came out earlier this month. Other than that, I’m looking at training as an exit counsellor to help other cult survivors.”
Kenzie Cate’s new single ‘I Don’t Need U’ is out now
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